Sometimes I'm so smart I scare myself

Sometimes I'm so smart I scare myself.

I know that you're probably thinking "wow, that's a remarkably arrogant statement you're making...dick." Sure, I understand that reaction considering that it's an expression that many of you had heard before. Also, it's important to remember that any person who is actually intelligent knows better than to tell people they are intelligent. If you do, you'll forever be burdened by people calling you a "know it all" for anything you say or worse they try to prove they are just as smart by constantly debating you or correcting you (often with completely wrong information). But I digress.

Most of you are likely not looking at my comment in the literal sense which it was intended. I mean to say that I literally scare myself when something smart unexpectedly comes out of my mouth.

As an example, if we're watching Jeopardy and I'm happily answering along with the contestants I'm perfectly fine until one of my kids points it out. As soon as the words "Dad how do you know all this stuff?" hits my ears it sends me into a tail spin. I don't know why I am a fount of useless trivia? Could I be an android who thinks he's really human but it turns out he was just programmed to think he's real? Could I be like John Travolta in Phenomenon where he's gets super smart because of a cosmic flash he sees in the sky but it turns out to be a terminal brain tumor. Could I be smart from a brain tumor too? Oh crap do I have a terminal brain tumor!?!

I guess you can see where this is leading. I underestimate myself most of the time, and I might be slightly paranoid.

But I'm writing this to make a point not just to (hopefully) get a laugh from some of you. I've always wanted my life to be an example of determination and ironclad proof of what faith and optimism can overcome. Other days I realize that my life is dangerously close to being a "cautionary tale" that people can use to steer their kids in the right direction.

My point is this, I may forget that I am intelligent because my life and career don't demand that I use my greater faculties. But my IQ has not changed, and it's there to use if I want to.

I've learned that your circumstances in life can wear you down. A daily grind at a McJob and living paycheck to paycheck is all too familiar to a lot of people. Even a good life at home raising children or a decent job supporting your family can wear us down or make us too busy to remember our dreams or our talents.

I am actually acting in a play. A real play, that is intelligently written and we have a great director too. I am acting with an incredibly talented cast who were, thankfully, kind and welcoming to someone as inexperienced as I am. Acting in this play has been a blast and best of all, I don't suck at it. (Yes, I understand that this is dangerously close to humblebragging but I am getting to a point, I promise.)

It took a good friend of mine to convince me to go out and audition. I no longer saw that talent in myself, but she did. I also thought it was selfish to take time away from my family, but they're actually proud of me and happy to see me doing it. Do the people that count on you want you to be unhappy? Of course not. It never occurred to me before but what better lesson can I teach my children than to do something to make myself better. Besides, don't the people you love deserve the best version of you?

Take few minutes every week to remember the things you are good at, the things you enjoy doing, and the things that bring you bliss. Then do something shocking...find time to do them. Talents may get rusty if they are unused but they will never go away.

Every life is a story. Don't judge your life based on the chapter you are in. Start writing the next chapter yourself...and don't take as long a George R R Martin.

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'." - Erma Bombeck

Facebook offenders

I have to admit that as much as I enjoy a majority of what I read on Facebook there are some things that annoy the hell out of me. I love updates about friends and family and funny posts that people share, so it's not a total loss, but there are a few things that make using social media debatable.

Vague Booking - This is the incredibly annoying and passive aggressive act of posting an intentionally vague Facebook status update. Typically prompting people to respond to ask if they are alright. You can't go a week without someone posting a status of "why do my 'friends' talk behind back and backstab me" or something similar. I've taken to responding with an apology because I know damn well they know who they are talking about and it's not me, but my confession should be a very unpleasant surprise. I figure if enough of us respond that way they'll stop or at least be more direct about their complaints. Image a post like that and twenty people responding with "sorry, but we were all sick of your shit"

The Humblebrag - We all have wonderful things happen to us sometimes and sharing is perfectly fine, so Humblebragging doesn't apply to everyone. Maybe it's just vanity, but we all want to feel valued and important, and we want others to share in our accomplishments. Sometimes when the real world doesn’t come through with enough praise for some people, they take to Facebook to look for more. The humblebrag is also sort of a sneaky way of bragging without just straight-forward boasting. Honestly, I can respect a good honest success story, but when someone does the "I'm so tired after running 5 miles and my fastest time ever, LOL". Well, the urge to respond with "your Father would still be disappointed with you" is a little overwhelming at times. Jesus people, just be honest.

Blatantly inaccurate posts - This actually applies mostly to politics but not always. Ok, I'm going to lay this out once, plain and simple. If you follow this advice, not only will you win the internet, but people will stop unfriending you. Ok, ready because this is important, here it is.

There is exactly ZERO things in this world that will force people to only put true things on the internet. Even the slowest typist will only take seconds to open a second browser tab and use Google to fact check something before they post it.

If you get your political news from a site with the words "conservative" "progressive" or "liberal" in the title you can pretty much guarantee it's not a legitimate news outlet. This is not rocket science, it's people with an agenda preying on people who share their beliefs. This advice also goes for miracle diets and exercises that defy logic. Eating more cucumbers is not going to cure my diabetes.

Life is wonderful...always Just like humblebraggers, we all have good things in our lives that we like to share. This is a good thing. But not in excess. Some people just feel compelled to post constantly about how wonderful their lives are, and only how wonderful their lives are. Not just wonderful, but better than everyone else. It's social media people, not a marketing campaign. Everytime I read about how someone saying they have the best husband ever because he made her and their one child dinner I die a little inside. It's that much worse if they tag it with a "feeling blessed" emoji. Again the urge to respond is overwhelming. Just once i would like to reply with "Well, I spent twelve years cooking for my three kids and my disabled wife, I can only aspire to be as great as your Adonis of a husband". But sarcasm is lost on some people so there is the alternative, but it's a little offensive. But I do love offensive...

I'd love to simply tag them and post "Feeling so blessed right now! #bestblowjobever #sheswallowed"

It would be worth getting unfriended.