Some days are just bad, it's how the world works. Having a great attitude and being optimistic are very good things, but they really can't prevent a bad day from happening. Today was a bad day.
I recognize that I'm an emotional person, and I can typically control them perfectly well in most situations. I know I have an old soul, even my mother used to say that I was the only 30 year old teenager she had ever met. So I've always had the ability to retrospectively examine my life and my choices a lot more honestly than most people do. Having the ability to hear my conscience with great clarity gives me the ability to circumvent my ego and do the right thing most of the time, not the easy thing.
But a human can only be knocked down some many times before they think twice about getting back up. Worse yet, while you're down there you question a lot of the other things that have happened to you to put you there. How many thing aren't fate but bad choices? Have I failed my children by not being able to provide the things they needed? Have I spent so much time surviving that I ignored the emotional needs of those around me? Worst of all, has my conscience lead me astray by overriding my judgement?
Tomorrow I'll remind myself that even the worst emotional scars, even the ones that are tattooed on our souls, will eventually fade over time.
Tomorrow I'll remind myself that I've done the best with what I had to work with and that many others would not accomplished what I have, given the same circumstances.
Tomorrow I'll get back up again, because I'm a stubborn son of a bitch and I refuse to give up. I know that the difference between a winner and a loser is that the winner got back up one more time than the loser did.
Tomorrow I'll remember that my children need to see that hardship and heartbreak are merely obstacles in our path, not the end of our roads. That we are stronger than we think and that nothing we face is impossible to overcome in time.
Tomorrow I need to get back up and support my family, be that is the thing I cherish most of all.
Tomorrow I will do these things, today I need to hurt and accept that I am not invincible. Today was a bad day.
